Hello Pilgrim,
Here we are. A new year.
Exactly 8 years to the day I first stepped foot in the room I would visit every Thursday evening, for 18 months, straight.
I first sat with Catherine O Grady of Nirvana Therapy Centre on Jan 5th 2010. I was in a crisis of wrongness, one I had tried and failed, over and over again, to ‘solve’ by dieting.
I thought I was lacking self esteem. What Catherine helped me discover, was that what I was really lacking, was a sense of self and that I simply did not feel worthy of a ‘me’.
It was here that my recovery of and from, began.
I’d love to tell you I am recovered. In many ways I am but when it comes to food, I’m not. I am still at the mercy of a pattern so ingrained, it remains a mythical notion to me, that I will ever be free.
In saying that, I have recovered enough of a ‘self’, to keep me hopeful and connected to the process.
Editing this video was a little uncomfortable for me, if I’m honest. But in a ‘good’ way, that ‘hard kind of good’ way. The editing process requires that I replay and listen to myself and this conversation with Catherine repeatedly, over a matter of hours. I have spent the last year in a free fall of binge eating. It confronted me with myself in a way I couldn’t ‘skip over’ and in this video, I could really ‘see’ the me, who’s struggling.
In this video, myself and Catherine have a conversation about the condition of Unworthiness, how it manifests in eating disorders and how chronic dieting is often a symptom of this distress.
We talk about recovery as a language of freedom and staying connected to the learning process.
Catherine offers in person and Skype counselling as well as facilitating a weekly support group in Limerick, for anyone seeking recovery from ED and their families. Catherine is affiliated with The Marino Therapy Centre, Institute for Eating Distress Studies, Dublin.
I hope this chat is helpful and of comfort to you.
Always, Amanda xoxo
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